O HAI

It’s been a busy few weeks.  I took forty-two nine- and ten-year olds to Swanage in Dorset for five days.  That was exhausting but great fun.  And now, finally, we have entered the slalom run that is the wind down to Christmas, when less actual learning takes place and instead we spend every possible minute rehearsing for the Christmas play or making crappy decorations that generally involve me going home with a bra full of glitter despite my top not being low-cut in the slightest.  One of those strange wonders of physics we will never be able to explain.

In other news I am now single.  Let’s not dwell on that.

In other other news, Courtney has made me start reading the second book in Stephanie Meyer’s Twilight series, even though 90% of Twilight sucked and Bella was, like, *the* most irritating protagonist ever.  Seriously, she held a gun to my head and everything.  And since her random number generator hates me and therefore cheated me out of an advance copy of Courtney’s own book, which, seriously, go and read the first two chapters and tell me you aren’t DYING to read the rest, I may as well read about stupid Bella and her stupid emo vampire obsession! 

(In truth I am finding it kind of entertaining.  Like Hollyoaks.  That kind of OMG IT’S SO BAD THAT I JUST CAN’T STOP I MAY HAVE TO CLAW MY OWN EYES OUT BECAUSE I ACTUALLY KIND OF LIKE IT sort of thing.)

Waxing poetic

My class had to write an Autumn poem for their homework this week.  I brought their books home this weekend to mark and came across this poem in one girl’s homework book:

The morns are meeker than they were
The nuts are getting brown
The berry’s cheek is plumper
The rose is out of town.

How silently they tumble down
And come to rest upon the ground
To lay a carpet, rich and rare,
Beneath the trees without a care.

Now call me a cynic, but my immediate reaction was: “There is NO WAY she wrote this.”

The silly girl has a lot to learn about Google, which reliably informed me within seconds that verse one was in fact the work of Emily Dickinson and verse two was by Elsie N. Brady.

Clearly she deserves some points for ingenuity, but real kudos would only be deserved if she had successfully managed to pull the wool over my eyes.  Better luck next time!!

Let me help you remove your knife from my back

I like to think I’m quite a self aware person.  I think about my responses and behaviour, I analyse them, I relate them to my emotions and try to change them if I feel they could be better.  I am quite proud of how insightful I can be about myself and take it as a positive result of my years of maudlin adolescent introspection. 

Despite my self awareness, however, I do lack a similar insight into the actions of others.  My social skills are fine in terms of being able to relate to people on a daily basis.  I think I’m generally quite a likeable person and I always try to be a “nice” person.  In fact, I think that is my problem: I always give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong.

Considering the amount of times I have been proved wrong, you would have thought I would have become cynical about human nature.  But I never learn!

I didn’t start at school assuming everyone would be my new best friends.  But I did assume they would all be decent human beings.  One person has proved me wrong already by inviting me down the pub whilst complaining about my teaching skills behind my back.  Thankfully no one else at school agrees with that particular diagnosis of my abilities.

But when will I ever learn?!

Current status: still headlice free

Also: only two days til half term *does celebratory dance*

Also also: my kids did me PROUD in the Harvest Assembly today singing Food Glorious Food.  Loads of people commented on how good they were.  I think I’ve officially pissed off the music co-ordinator by my class being so fantastic.  Loves it.

That said, they disappointed me so much yesterday when I found out there was some bullying going on.  But we had a very positive circle time this afternoon so hopefully things will get better.  I am very tired now and am seriously counting the hours til half term and although I know the week’s holiday will pass in a flash I am looking forward to going back afterwards and starting to think about Christmas.

No rest for the wicked

Half term: t minus 2 weeks and counting…

Technically only 9 days until half term – working days that is – as next Monday is my graduation and I have the day off for celebrating and merriment.  This is testament to the colossal organisation skills of my university who, whoops, forgot to check when half term is and set the graduation date for about 300 local teachers for the week before half term.  Just pretty much sums up the entire time I spent within their hallowed walls. 

Due to the unexpected timing of my graduation ceremony, my very nearest and dearest are unable to come, so I have my nan and my aunt accompanying me.  Not that I wouldn’t want my nan there, because I know she will love it, bless her.  And K wil be hurtling across London after finishing for the day at Hendon, to attempt to reach the leafy southern banks of the river in time for us to all go and get dinner together.

Random thought for the day
If tobacco advertising in the UK is banned, why are Rizla still allowed to advertise?  I know that technically their product doesn’t contain any tobacco, but the sole purpose of cigarette papers is to be used with tobacco.  It’s not like you can use them for anything else.  So why do I still see Rizla bill boards on my way to work?  Just something to ponder…

Well, I need to leave for work in seven minutes, particularly as I have been so busy this weekend helping K prepare for Hendon/driving K to Hendon that I haven’t marked my class’ homework.  Oops!  And yeah, today is K’s first day as a trainee of the Metropolitan police so please think positive thoughts for her if you get a spare moment today.

Well.  Hi ho, hi ho….

Now I know how Argos keep their prices down…

They hire monkeys to write the instructions that go with their products!

Check out these little gems from the instructions to the alarm clock I just bought:

• Pull up the alarm ON/OFF switch at the back of the clock when need to alarm, whereas, to pull down.
• Touch the snooze/light button on the face of the clock, the light will be shining.
• When alarm, touch the snooze/light button, the alarm will stop for a while but will continue to alarm after 5 minutes, you can pull down the ON/OFF switch at the back of the clock for completely stopping alarm.

And in the section entitled “Special Remarks”, we are reminded to “Keep off the magnetic moist field and sun’s rays irradiation directly”.

Well, I’m glad they made that clear!

This is the science part….concentrate!

I am tired beyond all belief having finished my first full week at school this afternoon.  If I have commented on your blog over the last couple of days I can only apologise because it probably did not make much sense.  This entry is not likely to either – for more than one reason!

I marked the kids’ science papers today.  Here are some interesting scientific facts I was unaware of:

1. Tin foil burns if you put it over a candle flame
2. Ducks have six legs
3. Cows can fly
4. The reason rain isn’t salty, even though it is water that has evaporated from the salty sea, is because the clouds clean it

Fascinating eh?  (We may have our work cut out for us in Science this year.)

Marked for death

So, I was driving home from school at 5:45 this afternoon, thinking how I really should update my blog and I’m pretty sure I had some vague idea about content….

Yeah, dunno what happened to that?!  But the kitten is mewing outside the door because I shut him out so I could eat without having kitten-foot-garnish on my dinner.  And I really should check his litter tray…

School is exhausting.  The kids have a whole week of tests, which means that I have a whole week of marking tests, which really is a far more rigorous process than marking their everyday work.  This is what my desk looks like at the moment, drowing under a barrage of standardised testing:

Yes, the board to the right of my desk is pink.  Yes, I like it that way.

Extra special bonus points go to the people who decided that the kids should take tests designed to be taken at the end of the year, thus containing lots of topics that the kids JUST HAVEN’T COVERED YET!!  Which probably explains why the two tests I have marked so far yielded scores of 4 and 8 out of, like, 57 or something.  According to my handy teacher’s guide, any score under 14 is unquantifiable as an actual grade.  Way to make the kids feel good about themselves.

At least I will look like a fantastic teacher when their marks increase by, like 500% in the summer!  Hehe.

Painted Lady

I have just been painting my bedroom.  With a brush.  Because we are cheapskates in this house who buy rollers from Wilkinsons for like £2.99 instead of shelling out decent cash at B&Q or Homebase.  But really, because we are of the school of thought that’s all “Hey, I’ve just painted that whole wall, I deserve a rest, I’ll wash that roller out later, I swear”.  If by ”later” you mean “in four months time when the paint on it has solidified into a lumpy mass thus rendering it useless in the application of, I don’t know, ANYTHING”.  So I went old school and painted with a brush.

The painting is necessary because the decor left by the previous tenants is unbearable.  (Except not that unbearable, because I have lived here for almost a year and this is the first time I have got off my lazy arse to do anything about it.)  We decided to go for white emulsion because nothing else really seemed to tie the room together, being as how my furniture is a mishmash of woods and stains and cheap MDF.  One day I aspire to have matching bedroom furniture.  It will be a great day indeed.

Cold feet

I have had the opportunity to go into school yesterday and today, but I haven’t taken up the offer.  I have plenty to do in order to get my classroom set up before the children start next Thursday, but despite the fact that I have been bursting with enthusiasm all summer it has now waned and I can’t seem to find the motivation.  I know I will get it done – and hopefully K is getting the day off on Tuesday so can come in with me for the purposes of being my general dogsbody – but right now, the thought is just not inspiring me.

The writing is going slowly at the moment, but it’s still all I want to do right now and some part of me is desperate to stay home and write write write.  Unfortunately that would involve K earning enough to keep me in chocolate and new pairs of Converse and that just isn’t the case at the moment.  Plus I am really looking forward to having an actual decent wage coming in and thinking about things like new bedroom furniture and mortgages like a proper grown up.

And I know that I love my class (so far anyway) and only a few weeks ago I couldn’t wait to help them shape their young impressionable minds into reasoned and valuable members of society.  I am sure that what I am feeling is cold feet, akin to what you allegedly feel before your wedding day – THREE YEARS of my life have been building up to this moment, that’s a pretty tall order to fill, but I’m not sure how to push through it.

But push through it I will, without a doubt, and I know I will love having my class and my own classroom and all the fun things that will happen this year.  I’m sure I will learn a lot. 

And who knows, maybe I’ll get another book out of it.